Finding Your People in France: How to Build a Community Abroad
One of the questions we get asked most by people planning a move, or those who have recently arrived, is about making friends in France. How do you actually find your people when you’ve uprooted your entire life and moved to a completely new country?
It is a big adjustment. Here is exactly what we’ve learned over the years about navigating the expat social scene.
The 5 C’s of Making Friends in France
Forget what the standard Google search results tell you about networking. If you want to build genuine, lasting connections in the French countryside, try our 5 C's of Friendship:
1. Chance
There is no point lying about it—there is a bit of a lottery element to this. When you first arrive in France, you might find yourself with "friend-shaped holes" in your life, possibly for the first time since your school days. The old social rules from back home no longer apply. It is a completely different ballgame.
2. Chat
When you are a relative newcomer and a little starved of easy, effortless English conversation, something funny happens. Yes, you can speak French, but it doesn’t flow with the same emotional ease.
The moment you meet a fellow English speaker, you might find yourself barely stopping for breath! Bob and I have been known to completely talk someone’s ear off within five minutes of meeting them. No apologies—it’s a natural part of settling in.
3. Choices
The best, most enduring friendships usually share some kind of common ground that brings both people genuine joy. Failing that, all it takes is a healthy dose of mutual curiosity about how other people live, and a willingness to join in on local events every now and then. That alone will do the trick.
4. Candour
You won’t agree on absolutely everything with the people you meet, and that is completely fine. What really matters is how you handle it. Sharing honest stories, asking real questions, and being vulnerable transforms casual small talk into the kind of meaningful chat that shows you who someone truly is.
5. Confidence
We don't mean the loud, brash kind of confidence. We mean that quiet, inner certainty that you are entirely enough, exactly as you are. You don’t need to put on a performance or pretend to be someone else to fit into the local expat community.
Shifting Perspectives as an Introverted Extrovert
We moved to France just as the age of 60 hove into view. Facing those empty, friend-shaped holes at that stage in life has the real potential to leave you feeling isolated, especially if you choose to live further out from the main market towns.
Bob and I are incredibly lucky; we rub along together beautifully. But even we had to adjust to suddenly spending this much concentrated time together. Honestly, we have learned more about each other in our seven years here than in the previous thirty-something years total. Thank goodness we know how to laugh at ourselves!
People often mistakenly assume that I am a naturally social butterfly. I certainly can be. But I can also completely drain my social battery in the first five minutes of a party and find myself utterly unable to jump-start it again.
I like to think of myself as an introverted extrovert. What I actually am is simply someone who is open to trying.
You don’t need to fundamentally change who you are to find your community here. Sometimes, you just need to shift your perspective slightly. And those friend-shaped holes? They do fill. In the best, most unexpected possible ways.
Over to You!
We don’t pretend to have all the quick fixes, but we know that our online community has a wealth of knowledge.
What has worked best for you when making friends in France? Was it joining a local associations group, attending a village coffee morning, or something else that completely surprised you?
Tell us your stories in the comments below—your single piece of advice might be the exact thing someone else needs to hear today.
– Jen x
Add comment
Comments